Can You Hear Me Now?

Manners.
I was reminded of our latest Doozy in a blinding flash of, well I don't want to think of flashing. Ok, so if...say Tom Hiddleston or Jensen Ackles were flashing me, I'd be down. But other than, I'll pass.

Yep. He can totally flash me anytime.Anywhere.

Moving on...

So, this past Doozy came to me while I was indulging in an expensive cup of coffee. I don't often grab Caribou, because I can rationalize many things in my life, but a $6 cup of coffee is rarely one of them. Anyhoo, I decided that I NEEDED and I mean NEEDED a sugar free Caramel Cooler like a cheap French whore needs penicillin, so I rambled over in my yoga pants and ball cap to my local shop.

And as I was waiting in line I spied a couple sitting at a table nearby. I assume it was a couple judging from the rings on their fingers. They were sitting across from one another, pastries on plates, Sunday paper askew in the middle of the table and both of them were totally engrossed on their phones. Silent. Heads down, fingers flying on the screens, ignoring one another.

Now, I realize that it's entirely possible that I could have just been witnessing a moment (in the five minutes it took the barista to make my Cooler) when both of them had to take a break from their schmoopy interaction to answer plans about the rest of their day, but I'm not so sure. See, that is one thing about being a singleton in today's world, I notice A LOT about couples. I'm nosey that way.

AND A LOT OF COUPLES IGNORE EACH OTHER.
It's like they have nothing to say to each other; especially when they are eating a meal out together. It's all awkward silence. Sad face.
And couples fuck around on their phones all the time.

I miss John Hughes. No one makes movies like him anymore....

Which brings me to today's Doozy.

The Tale of Willie the Tech Weenie

Reaching waaaay far back into the mental rolodex today people. In fact, I don't even remember Willie's real name. Hey, give a girl a break. When you went on over a hundred dates, it gets fuzzy. I mean it's not like a kept a spreadsheet, like THIS GUY

So, we're probably talking somewhere around 2010 here, back when I didn't have standards for who I would go out on a first date with; and certainly when I didn't have a backbone.

So Willie. Since I don't remember much about him, except our interaction. Let's say I met him on Match, because that would be where I was hanging out at the time and there are an epic number of douchecanoes on that site. He seemed nice enough online, funny, blah blah. And it wasn't too long before he asked me out to dinner in the basic, casual manner that online guys do..
"So, we should hang out sometime."
That's about as good as it gets usually. And because I didn't have any ladyballs yet to say "eh...no thank you.", I said okay.

Anyhoo, we met up at a local bar and grill on a freezing winter night and since I got there first, I grabbed us a table.

A couple things when Willie walked in that I remember.

He was in a sweatshirt and jeans. A SWEATSHIRT. Not a nice sweater hoodie, but a sweatshirt.
For fuck sakes.
Now there were many times that I just wasn't really in the mood to go on a date, but I still dressed up and did my best to look nice, because, well you never knew how a date was going to turn out. Wait, I take that back. Towards the end of my dating career I really stopped caring that much (cuz=fail). In fact, I think I went on a date once in nice yoga pants.
BECAUSE YOGA PANTS ARE THE SHIT.

But a sweatshirt? Come on guys...

Secondly, Willie sat down and after the introductions almost immediately whipped out his cell phone.

"Sorry, I'm just checking the scores..." if I remember correctly is what he said. It was playoff time.
"Sure." I replied as I sipped my wine.

But then Willie kept his phone on the table throughout dinner.

AND THE HEIFER KEPT CHECKING HIS PHONE THROUGHOUT THE MEAL.

Willie even went so far as to have a text conversation while he and I were having a real face-to-face conversation. Seriously. Two humans. Talking. Asking questions. Answering each other, engaging in live interaction.

Then being interrupted by texting.

Eventually, I got pissed off enough that my backbone snapped up.

ME:"Do you need a moment?"

WI: (looking up from his phone) "No sorry. My best bro is just checking in about plans for tomorrow. Sorry, this will only take a minute."

ME: "Don't worry about it. It's getting late (it was 7:30). I should be going. (the check hadn't even come yet). It was nice meeting you." (reaching around to starting putting on my coat and grab my purse).

It was at this point that something must have snaked through Willie's brain that he'd broken the cardinal dating etiquette rule because he quickly stashed his phone in his pocket and leaned his elbows against the table. All eyes on Doozy.

"But the night is young! So, tell me more about yourself. What do you like to do for fun?"

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

YOU EPIC, EPIC TURDBALL.

I leaned back in my chair, crossed my arms and raised a manicured eyebrow.

"Uh, I do believe that I've already covered that subject. Perhaps you were taking notes on your phone? I really gotta go." 
"Hey! I just bought a new car. Wanna go take a look? It's just outside..." Willie then tried his best to flag down our waiter to get the check.
Again, my eyebrow winged up. 
"No. I need to go. Thank you for dinner."

I can only assume that it was as this point Willie realized that his weenieness had sunk the date. I can also only assume that either he was a complete asshole or I wasn't interesting enough to him to keep his attention off his phone.
Frankly, by the time I walked out of there, Willie sulking behind me I really didn't give a shit about either of those possibilities.

Look, I have a kiddo. I get it. There have been times, when my phone has gone off and it's been my spawn and I've apologized profusely and answered. But that has been the exception, not the rule. Then I had always put my phone back away.

And I love my phone.
No really, I do.
I can remember back before we even HAD cell phones, that's the dinosaur I am, so I double-ubble appreciate the tech.
But for fuck sake's I don't take it on dates with me and go...oh say..shoe shopping while waiting for the appetizers to arrive. Not that that wouldn't be amazing.
"I'll have the bruschetta and the pink stilettos in a size 10."
OMG. THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME.

But it wouldn't really make your "dateable" material, now would it?
Uh. No.

The silliest thing about Willie was that even while he attempted to walk me to my car, he was still trying to get me to hang out with him longer. But he never realized why I'd cut the date short in the first place. The back of my brain had half a mind to tell him that he should lay off the CIA-Super-Secret-Squirrel-Verizon-CAN-YOU-HEAR-ME-NOW tech bullshit on dates but then I decided that it wasn't my business and I really didn't care enough to worry about Willie's dating future beyond that night.

And there's the thing that got me. That absolutely me made me just want to roll my eyes into the back of my head if I could.
Two days later, Willie the Tech Weenie texted me asking if I wanted to go out again.
ARE
YOU
FUCKING
KIDDING
ME?

No really. I sorta sat there staring at my phone for a minute, not quite sure if I was being punked or not.
Maybe Willie had me confused with someone else?
Maybe Willie had some sort of condition where he has no short term memory?
Maybe Willie had figured it out and he was feeling bad for what a total tool he'd been?
Naaaah. Pretty sure Willie was just a moron.

But hey, I figure I was really lucky. With all the time Willie spent on his phone...
At least he didn't send me a dick-pic.

Thanks for reading! As always I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE comments. Sharing is caring people.
-Doozy