Fickle Is As Fickle Does

Well.
Fuck it all peoples.

So, you ever have one of those times in your life where you know, just know how something is going to turn out, but you really hope that the outcome is going to be different?

Yeah.
This was one of those times.

I was hoping that this Doozy wasn't going to be become a Doozy, that for once, things were going to fucking work out. I wanted this one to work out, and to say that I was bummed that it didn't...was, well..an understatement (as the wise Haldane stated to me, on some level, ALL of these Doozies bum me out, even if I don't say it). It's the price I pay for being an eternal optimist and a schmoopy girl all at the same time.
GODDAMMIT.
But we all know that this just isn't how things roll in Doozyland, huh?

Luck and timing. I have neither sometimes.

The Tale of Thad, Walter White's Legit Cousin

Sigh.
Take a seat kids, and let me take you back a bit. Thad and I met a long time ago - a couple years back I think. I think it was post Pinoccochio, but I can't remember. Suffice to say, it was ages in the dating world.

It was way back when I was back on the sites, and frankly, I don't remember what site Thad and I first met on, OKStupid? PlentyofDooshes? 
Meh...It's a toss up at this point.

But you know, I'm starting to see a pattern here. That's the problem, I think. I'm just starting to realize that. It's the sense of humor that messes with me every time.
The funny guys are usually the most fucked up, and rarely balanced, in the sense that the funny guys are playas, narcissists, tortured, or emotionally constipated. Often all of the above. Not necessarily, but man - anecdotally there seems to be a trend.

I JUST WANT A DECENT MAN.
For fuck sakes.

Anyhoozles, moving on.

Way back when, Thad wrote a funny message to me and we bantered back and forth a bit before we made a date to go to the zoo.
I remember that we had a really good time. Our senses of humor were very similar, and the jokes were flying fast and light. 
Lots of laughing
Lots of innuendos

Overall, it was a great date. One of the better ones I have had in my dating career. So, you can imagine how bummed I was when Thad and I set up a second date, only to have him cancel due to "work obligations". We never rescheduled.

Now.
At the time, two years ago, my head wasn't in the same place that it is now. I was MUCH more invested in dating and men in general than I am now. I took it very personally, and was sure that Thad was brushing me off. My feelings were hurt and I was bummed.

Still, whatevs. It was only one date. Then in the subsequent dating time, Thad and I sorta, circled each other on the sites. He'd like my profile, I'd like his - yadda yadda; but we'd never connect.

So. Move on to today, where I almost give ZERO FUCKS about dating.

As I declared in my previous post, my profiles were mostly for LOLZ, so you can imagine my surprise when up pops a message from none other than Thad.

Two years later.
Well, well.
It's the Circle of Life.

His was the only message I had responded to at first, mostly out of curiosity to begin with, and half because I wanted to see what the fuck he had to say.

So, here's how it went down..

So yeah, clearly, I wasn't super cereal about the whole thing at first; being pretty sure the Thad was just fucking with me.

But, honk my hooter if he didn't actually ask me out out.
On a date.
An actual, real date.

My first one in over a year.
I CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP PEOPLES.

We joked about how this was technically our second date, so it was okay for us to kiss each other. And our second date was just as good as our first. We took a walk in a park, talked about our interests, background, etc, etc, etc.

Thad was a great kisser.

But 

AND YOU KNOW THERE'S ALWAYS A "BUT"

Thad, almost instantly started in with the sex talk.
BIG RED FLAG.
GINORMOUS RED FLAG.

He talked about sex to the point that I asked him point blank what he was looking for - a hookup or a relationship. 

"Oh, I'm looking for a relationship, that can fit in with job, kids, family and everything else."

Good. We were in agreement there.

But, still my intuition was flaring up something fierce that Thad was just out for a piece of ass.
Or, more precisely, out for my ass.
Typical. So. Typical.
Again, I can't even imagine what the super hot chicks on those sites must have to put up with.

I believe I've mentioned before that I have always had this nagging feeling in dating that the men I meet feel that I'm good enough to fuck, but not good enough to date...
something that a couple years ago would have made me feel like crap about MYSELF, but now just pisses me off to high heaven. Because I'm not only totally fuckable BUT datable too.
SO MUCH OF BOTH. 
And this leaves me feeling like men, in general, are idiots. At least the ones on these sites.

Still.
Moving on.

On A Saturday, Thad and I had a lovely third date, and he kept going on and one and on about how sexy I was, how pretty and how much he wanted me.
ALL THE WANTS IN THE UNIVERSE.
What's a poor man to do?
How can a grow ass man contain his wants and desires enough to build a full fledged relationship with a woman he's interested in?
CAN YOU ACTUALLY IMAGINE?

Okay.

More with the sex talk. By now, I was depressingly onto Thad's dealio. As much as I would have wanted something to the contrary - because we did, in fact, have a lot of things in common - there was nothing there. Thad was only out for the slappy-slappy-bongo dance. Which was fine, IF HE HAD SAID THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

This wasn't my first time at the rodeo, pal.

But it's pretty uncool to SAY one thing, then DO another.
Whatevs though.

Moving on.

So,  A Saturday night and more sex talk, and boring as hell. Okay dipstick, I'll play. And Thad suggests that we "get together" one morning that week before work.
Now. 
We all know that "get together = hookup, because we aren't idiots. Okay. I'll bite, because I felt like calling his bluff, and hey I'm adult enough to make choices.

"Sure. Sounds like fun"
"GREAT! I can't wait!!!" Thad replied.
Right Casanova.

Sunday rolls around and more totally inappropriate sex questions. And here we go:

THAD: "So, questions. Ever been with a woman? Done a threesome? Anal?"

Sigh.

ME: "No, never been with a woman. Doesn't interest me. I've never done a threesome and frankly, I don't think I could do it with my partner, that would just freak me out. It would have to be with two people I didn't give a crap about. NOW, if it was TWO MEN, then I would be down. LOL."
"I know threesomes are a big deal for a lot of guys..."

Then. Radio silence from Thad.

OH. JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF.

You know, next time a guy on the internet asks me if I'm into threesomes, I'm answering "SURE. IF IT'S YOU AND YOUR EX-WIFE. ASSHOLE."

LIFE IS NOT PORN BOYS.
For fucking fuck sakes.

And still with the silent silency silence thing. And by now my spidey senses were shooting green warning laser beams out of my tits.
Yep. Here we go again.

Look. Here's the thing I don't, and will NEVER understand about men. How can they go from 60 to 0 like that? I mean, I just don't understand how everything seems to be going..fine. Then - nothing. My highly evolved girl brain doesn't compute.
Because math is hard?

I told my girlfriends pretty much from the get-go that I was was sure that Thad was only out for sex, regardless of what he was, or wasn't telling me.
NAILED IT!
JUST ABOUT THE ONLY THING I'M NAILING...

Sometimes my perception freaks me out. I might not understand men, but I sure can read them.

Finally on Monday night I'd had enough and sent a simple
"Hey you. Happy Memorial Day. Having fun?" text.
And this is what I got in return.

Uh.huh.

My friend Tricia and I had a complete post-mortem of the whole thing and "meh". We figured Thad either hooked up with someone else over the weekend, he's married and got caught or my personal favorite theory, his Dom found out and Thad is currently locked away in a sex dungeon somewhere.

Or maybe it was just the thrill of the chase. He wanted to chase me and once I said "Sure", that was it.

You know, like those people who drive from grocery store to grocery store looking for the best prices on green beans to save $0.5? Okay. They're crazy.
But still.
Am I surprised?
No
Am I disappointed?
Yes.

Because here's the thing ...and this is what drove me away from dating a year ago..

Once, just once I would like ONE man to prove me wrong.
When I start to get that nagging feeling and I'm not quite sure if it's my insecurity talking, or trust issues (HOW CAN I NOT HAVE SOME BY THIS POINT?) or if it is legitimately my spot on intuition, I would like just ONE GODDAMN MAN to step up to the plate, be a good, decent, adult and prove that he isn't a raging, self-centered, manbaby.
JUST ONCE.

Dunno.
Doesn't seem like too much to ask. *Shrug*

Then again...
It IS online dating.

UPDATE!

Oooohhhh!! This is a good one peoples.
So, I sat on this post for a bit, because = reasons. Dunno, I just wasn't feeling it. When low and behold, I get THIS text from none other than Thad, Walter White's Legit Cousin
Seriously.
This shit almost NEVER happens to me...

Now.
Clearly, I took the high road there because with guys like Thad it doesn't do any good to chew them out. He wouldn't ever get it.  But I really wanted to say...

One and done.
And onto clearer pastures. Or at least, sweeter bamboo.