Takes a Lickin', Keeps on Tickin'

Luck and Timing.

This phrase is the fucking words daters live by nowadays. Maybe it's always been this way, but I cannot tell you the number of times people told me this.

"It's all about luck Doozy"

"Eh...it all comes down to timing."

"When you stop looking is when you'll find someone Doozy. TRUST ME ON THIS."

Ahhh, of course all these people are either married or coupled. And if one more person says something like that to me, I swear to Cthulhu, I'll stick them in the fucking neck with a fork.

Cuz, that shit is HARD.

The Tale of Farkus the Mensch.  

Farkus was an early Doozy, way back in 2011, maybe? I met him not too long after Bubba The One Who Started It All, cuz I'm not one to let a schmuck keep me down. I met Farkus on Match.com, because, again I hadn't realized what a douche magnet that site was at the time.

Here's the thing though

FARKUS WAS DIFFERENT.

  

Farkus wasn't a douchebag.

Not even an idiot.

Just broken.

Let me splain'.

Farkus messaged me on Match and we immediately seemed to hit it off. He had three kids, a sexy shaved head and a self effacing sense of humor. Farkus was even a bacon eating Jew - which I found endearing and Farkus found hysterical.

Y'all know about my bacon fetish.

Farkus was...

Sweet.

He brought me flowers on one date, he pushed me up against a parking lot wall and kissed me another time (hot!), and we both liked Thai food.

But.

And here's the mutha-fucking-but people

Cuz, you know there always is one.

Farkus had been married for like a bajillion years, and it had turned out that his ex-wife had cheated on him the ENTIRE time they had been married.

THAT EPIC TWAT.

And, his ex had left Farkus for a fuckwad that she had cheated on Farkus with. So, putting on my little armchair psych hat for a second; I think that all those years of betrayal had left Farkus a bit emasculated? Gun-shy (bit of an understatement)? And scared as hell to get hurt again. Again, in reality he shouldn't have been dating.

Regardless, he treated me well and... I liked him.

We laughed a lot, the sex was good and we went on interesting dates. We had great chemistry.

Eventually, Farkus and I even agreed that we were only going to date each other.

I know right?

HOLY SHIT!

Hark the Herald Fucking Angels Sing Dudes.

Hanukkah came and went. I bought Farkus and his kids little Hanukkah gifts. He taught me how to make Matzo ball soup - things seemed to be going well.

Except.

Yep. There's the except.

Dammit.

There was a part of Farkus that just couldn't...get there. The emotional part. Oh Farkus liked me enough, but intuitively, I just knew that he wasn't ever going to LOVE me. And that's a deal-breaker for me people.

He was just too broken.

Things finally came to an end sometime in January of 2012, when Farkus suddenly went dark, for reasons I still to this day don't know about. Fear probably.

He didn't call, didn't text. Was suddenly "busy" with his daughter's sudden birthday party.

Right.

Okay.

Sure.

Because apparently planning an eight year old's birthday party is like planning a fucking state dinner. Hope there were deviled eggs, cuz those are the shit. And everyone knows you should always have deviled eggs at any self respecting state dinner. With paprika. Spicy!

But I digress...

Here's the thing - my gut is rarely wrong, or it wasn't back then. Like when shit is really going down - my intuition flares up like a goddamn supernova and my gut was telling me that Farkus was running. 

BECAUSE

SCARED

MEN

ALWAYS

RUN

By now, I'd already known from Bubba how this was going to go down. Farkus was sweet, but gutless. 

He wasn't going to break it off with me.

Nope.

Farkus was going to ignore me until I went away. Or behave in such a way that I would get fed up enough and break-up with him. Come on dude. We weren't 4th graders, man up, take responsibility for your emotions and do the right thing. But no. That wasn't what was going to happen here. Farkus was going to make me break up with him.

OH
FUCK
ME 

Okay, so my bravado is one thing. I was angry at Farkus for making ME break up with HIM, when he was the one with the issues, not me. I never knew what went wrong, why he just stopped,  or what-ever-the-loving-fuck happened and I let Farkus know that he should be sorry for that. And he was. Farkus was very sorry. But still. In the end, I was the one with the ladyballz to end it. Quick.

BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE.

But really? Deep down? I was...sad.

FINE! I said it.
I didn't show it - the sadness, I never do. But I felt it. Oh yeah, it was there.

Because like I said up top, Farkus wasn't a douche, he didn't treat me in a callous, disrespectful way, at least not on purpose. I never felt, even in the end like I was a notch on his bedpost. Farkus just wasn't going to fall in love with me, and I wasn't going to waste anymore of my life on men who didn't love me. Been there. Done that. And as we know about me...I wasn't dating to just waste my time. Love was my endgame, and I would walk away if it wasn't there.

I am nothing, if not goal oriented.
 
I still, to this day feel that Farkus just didn't have the emotional wherewithal to know what the fuck to do with a girl like me: open, emotional, honest, affectionate and a little on the spazzy side. 

I suspect, many years and many dates later, most men don't.

Who knows. I gave up trying to figure it all out a long time ago. The giving up though - the...coming to the conclusion that Farkus just wasn't going to get there, like so, so, so many other men..was...just...heartbreaking to me.
And really. How many times can I expect myself to get down before I just say 
FUCK IT.
Exactly.

I do know this, however.

Unlike so many other men I came in contact with, who when I think of them I either shrug or guffaw or laugh them off as the fucking idiots they were, when I think of Farkus, I pause...and...I hope...he is doing well. Wherever Farkus is out there in the world, I hope he isn't broken anymore.

He's was a Mensch. And he deserves happiness.

There James. That nice enough for ya? ;-)

As always, thanks for reading! Please leave comments, your own stories or thoughts - I love those!

- Doozy